Every January, it happens.
The fresh notebooks come out.
The big declarations and targets are set.
And the ‘all or nothing’ promises are made with the best intentions in mind.
We have a sudden shift in mindset “This year will be different.” “This is the year I finally commit.” “There will be no excuses, no slip-ups and no going back.”
And yet after the first few months, weeks, or even hours there’s the whopping great thud of expectation vs reality and then we decide… actually, I’m ‘all out’. We failed abysmally. The self-sabotage kicks back in. Or the excuses come out.
This is not because people don’t care about the goals that had been set, or they’re lazy or undisciplined. This is because they’ve been sold the same flawed idea every year that ‘If you want change, you have to go all in.’
The reality is, if that worked, we’d all be nailing it brilliantly by now!
The problem with “all or nothing”
It sound’s motivating and inspiring to go ‘all in’. In reality it’s exhausting.
This “all or nothing” way of thinking leaves no room for being real-world or human.
Instead it tells us, if you’ve missed a day… you’ve failed. If you wobble… you’ve lost momentum. And if you don’t change everything… it isn’t enough.
So, the moment that life interrupts, a busy week, low energy or a bad day the inner narrative shout’s
‘What’s the point now?’
‘I’ve already messed it up.’
‘I’ll start again next month or year even’.
And just like that, the ‘all in’ promise isn’t broken, it’s completely abandoned. As if I never even said it. I never even posted all over Social Media that I was doing it anyway so….
This mindset completely sets us up to fail. This kind of pressure doesn’t create achievable sustainable change… it creates tension.
And too much tension, has the tendency to snap.
The truth about change
Real lasting change doesn’t happen by making big declarations, it happens by starting to make small, repeatable choices. Our brains are literally built to resist change because it’s wired for safety, efficiency and familiarity. When we try to change a lot at once, our nervous system goes into protection mode… unfortunately not into motivation mode.
That’s why so many resolutions feel heavy instead of energising, it’s because our system is overwhelmed before we even begin.
What actually works instead
Change sticks when it feels safe, doable and human.
So can we go small, intentionally?
- Small actions repeated consistently beat big actions performed briefly.
- 5 or 10 minutes that actually happen, beats an hour you never start.
What if we built identity and not pressure?
- Instead of asking “What should I do?” ask “Who am I becoming?”
- Behaviour follows identity, not willpower.
What if we built in wobble room?
- Wobbles aren’t failure, they’re part of the process and journey of growth.
- The people who grow don’t avoid wobbling. They expect it, recognise it and recover from it fast.
What if we focused on energy not intensity?
- Sustainable change comes from actions that give energy, not drain it.
- If it leaves you depleted, it definitely won’t last and our brain won’t thank us for it.
The big reflection
Be honest with yourself. What are you doing this for? Are you really motivated by the outcome?
If you’re not, then your brain is not going to make it happen without a fight!
The Brilliant Takeaway
New Year’s resolutions don’t fail because people lack motivation.
They fail because they demand way too much way too fast, with no room for reality.
Brilliance is built through awareness, consistency and consideration of your unique self.
So out with the ‘all in overhauls’ and in with the small first steps I can take and develop over time.
That’s how change sticks, how growth lasts and how true brilliance is generated.
At GEN-b, we help individuals and teams move away from pressure driven change and towards sustainable growth that actually sticks and benefits people and business.
If you’re ready to stop friction with the ‘all in’ mindset and start moving forward brilliantly, let’s talk.
